[For disappointing Shinji like this, Kaworu surely deserves to have a Prog knife shoved into his core. But, as far as he can introspect, this current course of action is the best. If he allowed them to kiss, they could spend the entire evening just kissing each other. They'd really never make it as far as the water; he'd have his hands and his mouth full with introducing Shinji to intimacy. He can't deny how disappointing and how unfair he's being by pulling away, though. It feels like a fatal mistake, even when it shouldn't be; no one ever died from not receiving a kiss. Humming softly, he decides to compromise by kissing Shinji on the cheek. It's not quite chaste, either, but it won't drive him to distraction...]
You can do it, [he says afterward, in complete agreement.
Then he withdraws like the last of the daylight, sitting back on his thin ankles, using one hand to undo the button on his own pants. In one smooth movement, he stands up again and deals with the silver hint of a zipper, too. Fabric seemingly melts off of him with the single practiced undulation of his body. Underneath, as per usual, he's completely bare and lacking in self-consciousness. He steps out of his pants, moving away from Shinji, now approaching the promising shoreline. The closer he gets, the better the misted breeze feels on his exposed skin.
Later on, when they're done, it might be fun to reward Shinji for his participation. If Shinji is still interested in a proper kiss, that is. If Shinji would like to kiss him for real and wasn't just caught up in the moment. For the time being, for the rest of the evening, Kaworu would prefer to watch how Shinji confronts the awaiting lake. The water will likely look so nice when it's up to Shinji's ankles, his knees, his waist, maybe even his shoulders... Shinji might trust Kaworu enough to take him out that far, as long as he has something to hold on to. Being submerged isn't such a bad thing, Kaworu thinks. It should feel like homecoming to Lilin, shouldn't it?
Kaworu wades into the shallows and, inordinately pleased, he flicks his toes to create some ripples. It's kind of surreal to remember how he shuffled along for so many cycles, every action and reaction perfectly scripted for him. He rarely wondered what it would be like to go swimming in Lake Ashino, but now he's going to finally find out.
Glancing over his shoulder, he calls out,] Come on, Shinji-kun. The water feels wonderful.
[It feels like a pity kiss. Asuka would probably say so, too. Asuka... She and Kaworu are completely different. Her mouth was unforgiving, even when Shinji didn’t know what to apologize for. Kaworu’s was soft, a little sticky, and not at all unkind. He won’t hurt me, Shinji realizes, dazed. Kaworu is gentle, and they’re friends... and that’s why Shinji can bear to risk drowning. Kaworu already makes him feel like there’s something foreign in his lungs; water can’t be that much worse.
And now Kaworu is undressed completely. A jut, a curve — his body is made of lines, and Shinji can see them all right now. It’d be rude to stare. It’d be rude and weird and awful. Shinji is really, really trying not to. But he’s already a failure at so much that it’s no wonder he doesn’t succeed at this either... He tries instead to distract himself with his clothing. That works a little better.] I’m coming, [he says half-heartedly, while he works at the rest of his buttons.
Still, he can’t help but look up occasionally. Watching Kaworu move further away from him gives him a queasy feeling high in his stomach, which he recognizes as anxiety. Don’t leave me, he wants to say, although he doesn’t make an effort to hurry and catch up. His dress shirt and t-shirt are both off, now, but he’s taking the time to fold them — he’s stalling. And he knows that he’s stalling. Rather than moving to meet Kaworu, though, he wants Kaworu to come back to him, where it’s safe.
Well, and taking everything off out here in the open feels so embarrassing. Kaworu-kun’s amazing, Shinji thinks. He’s able to do so much. He can bare himself and float and swim and make a mess of Shinji’s insides. He’s soothing and stirring. He doesn’t seem afraid of anything. And he’s beautiful to boot.
Shinji lets out a disappointed breath. There. That’s it. He used the word beautiful after all. This whole time, he’d been trying to angle away toward other phrases, but it came into his mind just like that and there’s no going back... Nagisa Kaworu is beautiful. He’s amazing. And, He looks at me like I’m special. He said... It’s hard and scary to think about how kind Kaworu is, and how handsome his face is, and how it makes Shinji feel to see his naked body in the water. What is he going to think of me? Shinji thinks self-consciously, as if they haven’t already bathed together, but, hands at his waist, he takes a deep breath. He undoes his belt, his button, his zipper, and squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again. Kaworu is a white beacon in the shallows of the lake. His body beckons. Shinji purses his lips, drops his pants, and finally exhales.
Now all that’s left is to get to the water.
The walk down to the edge of the lake takes years, as far as Shinji can tell. He’s surprised that Kaworu doesn’t become an old man right before his eyes. Instead, Kaworu just grows closer, and closer still, until the water is at the middle of his calf and he doesn’t know what to do next.]
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labyrinthos) wrote2014-08-14 03:52 am
no subject
You can do it, [he says afterward, in complete agreement.
Then he withdraws like the last of the daylight, sitting back on his thin ankles, using one hand to undo the button on his own pants. In one smooth movement, he stands up again and deals with the silver hint of a zipper, too. Fabric seemingly melts off of him with the single practiced undulation of his body. Underneath, as per usual, he's completely bare and lacking in self-consciousness. He steps out of his pants, moving away from Shinji, now approaching the promising shoreline. The closer he gets, the better the misted breeze feels on his exposed skin.
Later on, when they're done, it might be fun to reward Shinji for his participation. If Shinji is still interested in a proper kiss, that is. If Shinji would like to kiss him for real and wasn't just caught up in the moment. For the time being, for the rest of the evening, Kaworu would prefer to watch how Shinji confronts the awaiting lake. The water will likely look so nice when it's up to Shinji's ankles, his knees, his waist, maybe even his shoulders... Shinji might trust Kaworu enough to take him out that far, as long as he has something to hold on to. Being submerged isn't such a bad thing, Kaworu thinks. It should feel like homecoming to Lilin, shouldn't it?
Kaworu wades into the shallows and, inordinately pleased, he flicks his toes to create some ripples. It's kind of surreal to remember how he shuffled along for so many cycles, every action and reaction perfectly scripted for him. He rarely wondered what it would be like to go swimming in Lake Ashino, but now he's going to finally find out.
Glancing over his shoulder, he calls out,] Come on, Shinji-kun. The water feels wonderful.
no subject
And now Kaworu is undressed completely. A jut, a curve — his body is made of lines, and Shinji can see them all right now. It’d be rude to stare. It’d be rude and weird and awful. Shinji is really, really trying not to. But he’s already a failure at so much that it’s no wonder he doesn’t succeed at this either... He tries instead to distract himself with his clothing. That works a little better.] I’m coming, [he says half-heartedly, while he works at the rest of his buttons.
Still, he can’t help but look up occasionally. Watching Kaworu move further away from him gives him a queasy feeling high in his stomach, which he recognizes as anxiety. Don’t leave me, he wants to say, although he doesn’t make an effort to hurry and catch up. His dress shirt and t-shirt are both off, now, but he’s taking the time to fold them — he’s stalling. And he knows that he’s stalling. Rather than moving to meet Kaworu, though, he wants Kaworu to come back to him, where it’s safe.
Well, and taking everything off out here in the open feels so embarrassing. Kaworu-kun’s amazing, Shinji thinks. He’s able to do so much. He can bare himself and float and swim and make a mess of Shinji’s insides. He’s soothing and stirring. He doesn’t seem afraid of anything. And he’s beautiful to boot.
Shinji lets out a disappointed breath. There. That’s it. He used the word beautiful after all. This whole time, he’d been trying to angle away toward other phrases, but it came into his mind just like that and there’s no going back... Nagisa Kaworu is beautiful. He’s amazing. And, He looks at me like I’m special. He said... It’s hard and scary to think about how kind Kaworu is, and how handsome his face is, and how it makes Shinji feel to see his naked body in the water. What is he going to think of me? Shinji thinks self-consciously, as if they haven’t already bathed together, but, hands at his waist, he takes a deep breath. He undoes his belt, his button, his zipper, and squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again. Kaworu is a white beacon in the shallows of the lake. His body beckons. Shinji purses his lips, drops his pants, and finally exhales.
Now all that’s left is to get to the water.
The walk down to the edge of the lake takes years, as far as Shinji can tell. He’s surprised that Kaworu doesn’t become an old man right before his eyes. Instead, Kaworu just grows closer, and closer still, until the water is at the middle of his calf and he doesn’t know what to do next.]
Here I am, [he says faintly.]