To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also. —Igor Stravinsky

[labyrinthos]

Note: Continued from here with brokenparadox. Discussion of ducks, foods, and first loves. (Modern AU where Kaworu is human.)

Comments

[labyrinthos]

[Kaworu is only thinking about labels because he's thinking about Shinji. Between the two of them, Shinji was the one who wanted to define what they were. It didn't matter to Kaworu if they were friends, boyfriends, or fictional mecha pilots. They were Shinji and Kaworu. Sometimes, they were Kaworu and Shinji. One way or another, he thought, their names in conjunction made perfect sense.

Very little is making sense to him after they've broken up. Fortunately, he still has Noel to keep him from losing the way forward. The rest of the world is a dark thicket; Noel feels like a compass.]

Because you were angry last night.

[No amount of self-interest will allow him to overlook it. If Kaworu's body is sore right now, it's because they spent hours burning up their uglier feelings. They fucked and they fucked until they were too tired to doubt each other. There's a twinging pain in his thighs when he shifts closer.]

I've never seen you that angry. [Like he's confessing a sin, he says,] I'm angry at him, too.

[Anger reminds him of being younger and more helpless. He'd prefer to be tranquil.]

The best form of revenge is living well. Let's live well together.

[brokenparadox]

[As much as Noel almost hates the response it's a fair one. He's been annoyed by Shinji, irritated at Shinji, lost all will to be particularly fond of even the name 'Shinji' but Noel was never as angry at him as he was the other night. It's a fair observation and even if it stings he can't help thinking its good that Kaworu brought it up.]

I was. Still am, to a point.

[He can't ever really stop, not anytime soon. Eventually the feelings will dissolve, eventually Noel Kreiss will not ever think of Shinji Ikari until it becomes necessary. But that'll be at least another month. Noel is calm but he doesn't forgive easily and his instincts never forget.]

No matter how upset I am I won't go out of my way to hurt him, Kaworu. That would do more damage to you than it ever could to him, and I won't be selfish like him, either.

[Refusing to understand other people's feelings, refusing to come out of his own emotions to be logical and mature - Noel can't stand people like that, he just can't. But he hasn't lost his own tranquility just because of a little flare up. Shinji isn't even worth that much, as far as he's concerned.

He holds him a little tighter for a few seconds, lets out a calming sigh.] Of course we'll live well together. I won't let anything get in the way.

[That was always the plan until Kaworu wanted to change it.]