To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also. —Igor Stravinsky

[labyrinthos]

Note: Continued from here with brokenparadox. Discussion of ducks, foods, and first loves. (Modern AU where Kaworu is human.)

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[labyrinthos]

You would be special no matter what. You're you.

[It isn't an empty platitude. As an individual, Noel is so meaningful. No one else has ever challenged Kaworu to simply take better care of himself. If it weren't for today's semi-successful haul, he'd still be slurping on crusty soup. Hopefully, with enough practice, relying on restaurants to feed him will become a thing of the past. All he needs is a push in the right direction.]

I love you.

[His fingers curl into Noel's shirt, as if to anchor him. He feels set adrift. Losing Shinji as a boyfriend most likely means losing Shinji as a best friend. If they're going to reconcile, it's going to take a great deal of effort--from both sides, not just Kaworu's. He doesn't know if that is possible.

Noel is helping to lull him by rubbing his back, at least. It feels nice. It's what a concerned parent will do for their children, right? After a bad day? After a bad dream? He's seen it happen on TV and in movies. Friends and lovers can do it for each other, too. He's glad that Noel is his friend as well as his boyfriend. Right now, more than anything else, he could use a good friend.]

Next time, I want to go to the organic market. Please take me there.

[The ducks are quacking and splashing somewhere in the background. If he feels like moving again, he'll see about feeding them; that was part of the happy outing he imagined originally. For now, there's something he wants to ask before it's too late.]

Hey, are you going to hurt Shinji?

[brokenparadox]

Well, thank you.

[It could be argued that if Noel was able to see the same uniqueness in himself that Kaworu finds so simply he might become an arrogant and generally insufferable asshole. It's probably for the best that Noel believes himself to be relatively normal, he's just glad that Kaworu is choosing to listen to him instead of stay off in his own corner, remaining content with some of his less positive habits.]

I love you, too.

[He's a bit dedicated to constantly saying it in response, it feels like bad luck to never say it in return. His eyes close and he continues to deliver as much affection as possible. He's not really thinking about if this is a friend action or a boyfriend action, doesn't being with someone also mean you are their best friend? He doesn't really want to deal with someone who tries to insist those terms need to be separate.

Right now, Kaworu agreeing to the organic market feels like a victory within itself and Noel rewards them both for it by leaning forward to give him a little kiss. They'll go there sometime later in the week and since he knows a bakery along the way they can pick up a cake on the way home, too.

But that question ....]

Why would I hurt him? [Well, that question needs to be reworded a bit.] Instead, why would you think I'm more likely to go and hurt him now when I haven't before?

[labyrinthos]

[Kaworu is only thinking about labels because he's thinking about Shinji. Between the two of them, Shinji was the one who wanted to define what they were. It didn't matter to Kaworu if they were friends, boyfriends, or fictional mecha pilots. They were Shinji and Kaworu. Sometimes, they were Kaworu and Shinji. One way or another, he thought, their names in conjunction made perfect sense.

Very little is making sense to him after they've broken up. Fortunately, he still has Noel to keep him from losing the way forward. The rest of the world is a dark thicket; Noel feels like a compass.]

Because you were angry last night.

[No amount of self-interest will allow him to overlook it. If Kaworu's body is sore right now, it's because they spent hours burning up their uglier feelings. They fucked and they fucked until they were too tired to doubt each other. There's a twinging pain in his thighs when he shifts closer.]

I've never seen you that angry. [Like he's confessing a sin, he says,] I'm angry at him, too.

[Anger reminds him of being younger and more helpless. He'd prefer to be tranquil.]

The best form of revenge is living well. Let's live well together.

[brokenparadox]

[As much as Noel almost hates the response it's a fair one. He's been annoyed by Shinji, irritated at Shinji, lost all will to be particularly fond of even the name 'Shinji' but Noel was never as angry at him as he was the other night. It's a fair observation and even if it stings he can't help thinking its good that Kaworu brought it up.]

I was. Still am, to a point.

[He can't ever really stop, not anytime soon. Eventually the feelings will dissolve, eventually Noel Kreiss will not ever think of Shinji Ikari until it becomes necessary. But that'll be at least another month. Noel is calm but he doesn't forgive easily and his instincts never forget.]

No matter how upset I am I won't go out of my way to hurt him, Kaworu. That would do more damage to you than it ever could to him, and I won't be selfish like him, either.

[Refusing to understand other people's feelings, refusing to come out of his own emotions to be logical and mature - Noel can't stand people like that, he just can't. But he hasn't lost his own tranquility just because of a little flare up. Shinji isn't even worth that much, as far as he's concerned.

He holds him a little tighter for a few seconds, lets out a calming sigh.] Of course we'll live well together. I won't let anything get in the way.

[That was always the plan until Kaworu wanted to change it.]